A Wee Blast From The Past...

Years ago, mankind watched in wonder as a new phenomenom spread across the country like wildfire. Facts. Facts about a man. Not just a man, but THE Man. Chuck Norris. And just as quickly as they came, they disappeared, much like the Limited Edition Holiday Pepsi of eons ago.

At the height of Chuck Norris Facts hysteria, I myself submitted a round of facts. Facts, which for some reason, were never accepted. So I post them here for you. Let's get a little retro and enjoy some of Mark Rosenthal's REJECTED CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!

1) Nutritionists estimate that one single Chuck Norris roundhouse kick burns an astounding 14,237 calories and several small peasant villages.

2) Chuck Norris once out-drank the entire population of Ireland...while sleeping.

3) Before a chance meeting with Mr. Norris, Corky from "Life Goes On" was named Glenn, and had scored an amazing 1350 on his SAT's.

4) Chuck Norris is suing Marvel Comics. Turns out the planet eating behemoth known as Galactus is indeed just Chuck Norris with a silly helmet on.

5) Every president since Truman has been inaugurated not by swearing on a Bible, but rather with a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head.

6) Chuck Norris does not chew food. Food merely liquifies itself out of fear.

7) Little known historical fact: Chuck Norris not only tore down the Berlin Wall with his bare hands, he also penned the song "Winds of Change." The song was so powerful, the Scorpions played it once atop the wall and exploded, never to be heard from again.

8) Chuck Norris's dick is so big, his dick has it's own dick. And even his dick's dick is bigger than your dick.

9) Chuck Norris once tore a phone book in half... with his mind.

10) The word "Ragnarok" in Norse speak literally translates to: "The Day Chuck Norris Shoved Thor's Hammer Up The World's Ass."

11) Statistics show that every 7 seconds, a baby is born and every 5 seconds someone dies. Chuck Norris is a busy man.

12) There are no paparazzi images of Chuck Norris because his pure, unadulterated awesomeness cannot be captured on camera.

13) The only reason "Two And A Half Men" is still on the air? Chuck Norris likes it. And so do you.

14) Oprah gives away free cars. Chuck Norris gives out free roundhouse kicks. Game, set and match? Chuck Norris.

15) The "Delta Force" films are not fiction at all, but rather Chuck Norris home movies.