Wisdom Brownies...

Who's hungry for knowledge!? Grab a carpet square and a juice box, cuz we're having WISDOM BROWNIES! Chicago Edition...

1. That "The Onion" box outside the L stop? It's some guy's dresser/refrigerator. Do not, under any circumstances, open it.

2. If a homeless man offers to sell you a taped up microwave box for $15, keep on walking. It's more likely to contain newspaper or a bag of snakes.

3. The fried chicken at El Ranchito is just Shake and Bake and tastes vaguely of soap. That being said, the carnitas are amazing.

4. Corner brownies are the best. PERIOD. Anyone who says otherwise is saying fighting words. Words that will incite a Egypt-esque rebellion that will no doubt banish brownies from existence. Don't let the brownie haters win.

4. The Chicago Greyhound station is the saddest place on earth. It's like Mos Eisley for droopy, depressing, smelly folk.

5. Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes better after 2 AM. It just does.

6. Urban Essentials sells items everyone in an urban area could possibly need, including plush unicorns.

7. It's best if you let the homeless men playing poker in your parking lot go about their business. One of them was digging a kitchen knife set out of the dumpster last week. Just saying.

8. If you have a slice of Mac 'N Cheese pizza at Ian's, there's a good chance a man will pound on the window and ask to fellate you. Depending on your own personal Morals Ladder, this may not be so bad.

9. If you see me at Brendan's, give up all hope of using the jukebox. You'll get Prince, Michael McDonald and disco era-Kiss, and you will like it.

10. Seriously, corner brownies are fucking awesome, and I will personally fight anyone who disagrees...in my dreams, where I will win, because there I am Thor. Hope you like a mouthful of Mjolnir, you brownie hating son of a bitch.